Dumb Mayans, Dumber Americans

Gene Lalor | December 19, 2012 

The End of the World: What Does the Bible Say?  There are an awful lot of dumb people in our world.  I don’t much care about the other dummies but I do worry about American dumbarses.  


DUMB: New York Jet coach Rex Ryan must have been hit in the head once too often when he played at Southwestern Oklahoma State University since he still believes in QB Mark Sanchez and refuses to give the football to Tim Tebow.  He must also believe he has his daddy’s coaching smarts.  

DUMBER: Republican Speaker of the House John Boehner has to have lost his mind since word is he’s offered to adopt Nancy Pelosi’s plan to raise taxes on millionaires without a Democrat commitment to curb their massive spending.  I guess he never heard that the Dems shafted Reagan and Bush I with the same spending scam.     

EVEN DUMBER: Secretary of State Hillary Clinton allegedly clunked her head and had a concussion following her bout with the hershey trots but never went to a hospital and believes that people will buy her story that she’s now unable to testify on what she did and didn’t do to save American lives in Benghazi. 

DUMBEST: Still, the dumbest Americans of all have to those building and buying bunkers, stocking them with foodstuffs, survival equipment, weaponry, and probably with the likes of “On the Beach” and “Day After Tomorrow” dvd’s to while away their time.  They’re absolutely convinced the world will end in less than two days when a cataclysm is visited upon our Big Blue Marble due to flipping planetary axes, the occurrence of “a solar maximum,” being swallowed by a galactic black hole, colliding with planet “Nibiru,” or all of the above. 

Question: If the world ends on Friday, will dvd’s still work? 

An equally-plausible scenario: On Friday at 9 am, (6 am on the west coast), a horde of extra-terrestrials will invade our planet, seize control of the United Nations, mandate that all humankind become Mexicans, convert to Zoroastrianism, declare Barack Hussein Obama Omnipotent God of the Earth, and turn us into delectable morsels ala “Soylent Green.”        

  And all because December 21st concludes a 5125-year-long cycle in the so-called Mayan Long Count calendar. 

The Mayan culture is thought to have begun some time between 2000 B.C. to 250 A.D.–an odd,  misty gap of 2,250 years.  They hit their pinnacle some time between 250 and 900 A.D. (650 years).  They reached their nadir after the conquistadors arrived in the 1600′s and demonstrated  the very significant differences between Mayan wooden spears and colorful arrows versus Spanish crossbows, harquebuses, and steel blades. 

The Mayans believed in a 260-day year, worshipped a dozen or so gods including Ix Tab, Goddess of Suicide, and  thought their fickle deities determined whether their crops would thrive or die.  They developed a written language, achieved great artistic, architectural, mathematical and astronomical innovations–even while they practiced human sacrifice of captured prisoners or drugged Mayan “volunteers” and conducted general bloodletting whenever they  became excited about something. 

The Maya Today  The most notable feature of the Mayans is that they’re virtually extinct as a culture and definitely extinct as an empire.  A few million Mayans nominally exist in Guatemala, Mexico, the Yucatán, Belize, El Salvador, and Honduras and some even speak a Mayan language.  No doubt they’re oblivious of the reality their forebears effected their own end by clear-cutting their forests thereby exacerbating drought conditions and by constantly warring and over-breeding. 

Not very bright for a people who presumed to be capable of predicting an apocalypse.   

More to the point, almost no contemporary Mayans and virtually no other sane people subscribe to the view that we shouldn’t shop for Christmas because the Long Calendar predicted THE END of everything on Friday.    

If the Mayans were such damned brilliant prognosticators, why didn’t they foresee that they were committing civilizational suicide or that the conquistadors would kick their primitive asses and reduce their empire to the equivalent of the Etruscans or China’s Tang Dynasty?   Why didn’t they invoke Itzamná, their “god of all,” to save them? 

For that matter, why do millions of “modern,” ”sophisicated,” “intelligent” earthlings buy into the Mayan baloney?  The Mayans have been wrong before and more contemporary doomsayers were wrong in 1982 when the “Jupiter Effect” was supposed to be a wrap for life as we know it and on New Year’s Eve 1999 when Y2K was scheduled to collapse the planet the next day and make hangover remedies unnecessary. 

Yet, millions worldwide accept that the dumb Mayans’ prophecy is biblical truth.  When Jesus Christ said of the End Times in Luke 21:7-8, “Watch out that you are not deceived.  For many will come in my name, claiming, ‘I am he,’ and, ‘The time is near.’  Do not follow them,” He may have been referring to the Mayans (among others). 

My personal Short Calendar shows five days left before I should begin shopping for Christmas presents for my bride.        


Contributor's website: http://www.genelalor.com/

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