RSSTop Ten Books For The Liberals On Your Christmas Gift List
Carl Andrews | December 1, 2009
All right, it may have been a mistake to use the word “Christmas” in the title of this article, but old habits die hard.
Feel free to substitute “Holiday”, “Festival of Trees”, or “Non-Demoniational Celebration Of The Winter Solstice” if you have an undying urge to be politically correct.
Regardless, we here at the Freedom Medium are aware that many of us, in spite of our efforts to instill them with some common sense, have family members of the liberal persuasion.
We all know that liberals love taking things from other people, and so that they don’t feel left out at this time of year, we present a list of reading material they are sure to treasure.
1. The Collected Wisdom Of Al Gore
The fact that this paperback sequel to “Earth In The Balance” is made from 100% recycled paper is far from being it’s only earth friendly attribute.
With 442 blank pages, it also doesn’t use any of that eco-unfriendly ink stuff.
2. The Illustrated Janeane Garofalo
Having little if anything to say about anything other than accusing Tea Party protestors of being racists, along with having an acting biography as a Hollywood never-was, this book is still fascinating for the liberal on your Christmas list for the pretty illustrations of Janeane’s tattoos.
3. The Hillary Clinton Guide To Surviving Sniper Fire
One of the best-selling fiction books of all time, read how the fertile imagination of America’s former First Lady portrayed being under attack when a helicopter landing placed her into the middle of a combat zone.
4. How To Get A Ten Million Dollar Federal Grant For Your Family
The amazing true story (seriously, this did indeed happen) of a Congressman from a small town in Pennsylvania and how he steered a ten million dollar federal grant to Cornerstone Technologies, a company run by members of his immediate family.
Be warned, the story has a tragic ending when the corporation goes bankrupt and stores it’s remaining assets in the garage of a bowling alley.
5. How To Spot A Conservative (By Anonymous)
The author of this guide preferred to keep his or her identity a secret while revealing the tell-tale signs that someone you come in contact with may be a right-wing nut job.
It goes beyond the normal clues such as being pro-life, being in favor of limited government intrusion, watching Fox News, etc., and delves into some of the more subtle aspects, such as conservatives disguising themselves as being members of the working class, drinking beer instead of Martinis, raising decent, law-abiding children, as well as a host of other subtle clues.
6. How To Be Clueless and Still Take A Stand (By the members of Organizing For America)
This thin volume is a quick read as it outlines how the members of OFA attend town hall meetings promoting the President’s health care reform package in spite of having no knowledge whatsoever of the details of the bill.
7. The Nancy Pelosi “Not In My Backyard” Story
A fascinating tale of how the Speaker Of The House resisted the call to transfer terrorist prisoners from Guantanamo Bay to Alcatraz, a virtually escape-proof island prison in the San Francisco Bay.
Read how the Speaker feels that housing terrorists at a site that is now under the control of the National Parks Service doesn’t mean that a prison that no one ever escaped from a better choice than some place in the heart of America.
8. Universal Health Care For Everyone….Except Us (By The Democrat Members Of The U.S. Congress)
Learn the real reasons why all of the liberal members of Congress want to impose Obamacare on all of us, penalize anyone with what they call a “Cadillac” plan, and at the same time keep the Rolls-Royce plan that covers them.
9. An Unbiased Guide To Biased Journalism (By The Mainstream Media)
A fascinating look behind the scenes at some of America’s major news orginizations. Just some of the highlights are:
Keith Olbermann explains why evertone in the world but himself is the worst person ever.
Rachel Maddow points out how our country needs to bring back the Fairness Doctrine so that Air America can go bankrupt once again, and therfore be eligible for a federal bailout.
Chris Matthews provides an explanation as to why having a tingle running up your leg is just a natural political process.
The book also has a prologue by Al Franken describing how his being part of the cast of Saturday Night Live qualifies him to be a United States Senator.
10. The David Letterman Guide To Gourmet Shoe Polish
If you are one of those folks who is always pulling off some sort of gaffe, this book is for you!
If you find yourself sticking your foot in your mouth on a regular basis, you want to taste more than regular shoe leather, don’t you?
Learn which flavors go best with a jest about Sarah Palin’s daughter, the most satisfying flavor after having sex with an intern (boy, Bill Clinton could have really used a copy of this book), and a host of other tips to keep you from tasing plain old leather as you pry your foot out of your mouth.
For those of you hoping to get your hands on the first copy of this guide, sorry, but that one has already been given to Vice-President Joe Biden.
So there you have it, a reading list sure to delight any liberal on your Christmas shopping list.
Just be sure not to call it a Christmas present.
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