BREAKING NEWS Worth Celebrating!

John Lillipop | September 30, 2009 

Satire by John W. Lillpop

Why is the news so dreary and mournful these days? Pray, dear Lord, deliver unto us headlines like the following:

Obama Admits Birther Ineligibility; Resigns Effective Immediately

20 Million Illegal Aliens Voluntarily Head Back to Mexico Due to Guilt Over Displacing American Workers

100 Top Wall Street Bankers Arrested for “Bail Out” Scam; Funds, Plus Interest, Returned to U.S. Treasury

Kenya Denies Asylum to Deposed President Obama

Vaccine for Curing Gayness Announced: Barney Frank Accepts Jesus, Switches Party Affiliation to GOP

Income Tax, Abortion, and Affirmative Action Ruled Unconstitutional

Nancy Pelosi’s Head x-rayed: Nothing Found!

Democratic Congress Rejects Health Care Reform: Too Costly and Intrusive Expansion of Government

Government of Mexico Rejects Latest Foreign Aid from U.S., Will No Longer Accept Hand Outs

Supreme Court Rules That Labor Unions Violate Anti-trust Laws, Must Be Dismantled

Chevron, BP, and Shell Admit “Huge Glut” of Oil Reserves; Slash Gasoline Prices to $1.00 a Gallon

English as Official Language Passes Both Chambers of Congress: All Hispanic Members Vote Nada

450 Death Row Inmates in California Prisons Executed Simultaneously to Ease Budget Crunch

Report: Spinach Can Cause Brain Cancer. Cure Possible By Eating Huge Number of Snickers Bars

United Nations Praises Israel for Acting Responsibly By Defending Itself

Matt Drudge Buys CNN, MSNBC, ABC, CBS, and NBC: Appoints Sarah Palin Director of Human Resources

Box Office Failure of anti-capitalism Movie Drives Michael Moore into Bankruptcy

Roman Polanski Pardoned by Obama: Urged to Run for Governor of New York

Keith Olbermann Arrested For Impersonating Journalist

And that is the way it should be, ladies and gentlemen!


Contributor's website: http://voiceoflillpop.blogspot.com/



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