RSSFairly Funny News
Gene Lalor | June 22, 2009
Most rational people are aware that times are bad right now, not nearly as bad as our Captain Crisis, aka the president, constantly says they are, but we’ve certainly seen better times.
Therefore, since levity, as well as brevity, is the soul of wit, we take a break today to look at the lighter side of news since we all need a laugh, right? Since humor is in the perception of the humored, some of what follows may not meet with universal agreement that they’re “funny” but they are to me, for one reason or another.
First is bloody funny, not the Brit understanding of “bloody” as in cursed or damned but as in featuring blood.
Perez Hilton, that freak of nature who had less than complimentary remarks about Carrie Prejean when she stated the obvious about gay marriage, had his comeuppance the other night.
Shown above reflecting his surly best despite being a surly gay, poor Perez got socked in the eye outside a Toronto nightclub after he called a guy “a faggot.” Again, that’s not Brit for a cig but referring to a real faggot, a queer, a gay blade, a homosexual.
Now, Perez doesn’t take a back seat, pun intended, to anyone when it comes to being a flamer so I think that qualifies as funny, sort of the pot calling the kettle black and all. And when pusillanimous Perez got socked, he apparently didn’t sock back but instead Twitted, which I also think was funny.
Here’s a “guy” who was just assaulted and how does he retaliate but by Twittering on that social networking site, in 145 characters or less, of course, “I am bleeding. Please, I need to file a police report. No joke:” http://www.breitbart.com/article.php?id=D98VS5RG1&show_article=1.
Oh, he was at the club with Lady Gaga. I think that’s funny, too, or maybe I should just get out more?
Passing gas isn’t usually funny after we pass the age of 15. Well, for males it’s funny up through college years, at least. However, it’s no laughing matter, I’ll have you know, when it comes to bovine, atmosphere-polluting, methane emissions which accounts for some 2% of America’s greenhouse gasses.
Coming to the planet’s rescue, a couple of organic milk producers in Vermont thinks they’ve made one giant leap for mankind by changing their cow-diet. The precise amount of the gas reduction isn’t clear but Tim Maikshilo and Kristen Dellert figured, “It’s just the right thing to do.”
The aim of the dairy industry is “to reduce the industry’s greenhouse gas emissions by 25 percent by 2020. That would be the equivalent of removing about 1.25 million cars from U.S. roads every year:” http://www.cnsnews.com/public/content/article.aspx?RsrcID=49898.
Miss the humor? As I said, funny is a subjective thing. I think the cow story is ironically funny because here are these two intelligent, upstanding farmers doing their bit to preserve the planet from global warming as that same planet is actually cooling, according to most statistics.
What they should be doing is getting their moo-cows to belch and fart more, not less, to warm up the Earth’s air.
In any event, in case they haven’t noticed, the new buzz term, is “climate change.” The new term based on a slowly-dawning realization even by the Algoracle that we are in a cooling cycle so, rather than look like total morons, the “warmists” have now been miraculously transformed into “change-ists.”
I still think it’s good that Tim and Kristen are trying to do something, even if what they’re doing makes no sense and perhaps their bovines would prefer to continue doing what nature designed them to do. All will be just fine until the next Ice Age is on the horizon.
At least it’s politically correct, for what that’s worth.
Next comes a little story about a transvestite burglar, the image of which is amusing in itself. It could be described as the story of the burglar who couldn’t.
“Clinton S. March, 24, was arrested on burglary, indecent exposure and theft charges,” after being found naked as a jaybird in a woman’s home in Golden, Colorado.
Obviously still a burglar-in-training, as well as possibly cold in Colorado in his birthday suit, he fled wearing a sheet, demonstrating a degree of modesty, and was cornered in another home. There, “the female owner discovered him in a bathroom wearing women’s underwear, a nightgown, stockings and a scarf: “http://www.cnsnews.com/public/Content/Article.aspx?rsrcid=49641.
In Mr. March’s defense, he may only have been planning to audition for Perez Hilton’s next roadshow.
Finally, and also in Colorado, this time in Boulder, Carol Burdick was dispossessed from her apartment by the P.C. police. Okay, it was by her landlord who was demonstrating his political correctness.
Ms. Burdick apparently was a big fan of Easter and its secular trappings and “claims her landlord unjustly told her to remove a display of Easter stickers, plastic grass, and Peeps marshmallow candies from her door a few days after the April 12 holiday this year.”
Her landlord subsequently advised her that she was violating her lease by not maintaining a “clean, sanitary condition,” and removed her display. Indignantly, Burdick refused to pay her rent and the landlord threw her out and charged her $2000 for back rent and late fees.
Burdick’s attorney alleged her religious rights and been denied her and that the landlord had, in effect, treated her religious display as “garbage:” http://www.cnsnews.com/public/content/article.aspx?RsrcID=49892.
In my Solomonic judgement, a display of bunnies, etc. is in no way religious but, unless the Peeps marshmallow candies were rotting and attracting vermin, the landlord was wrong in removing it all.
I don’t know if that decision qualifies me as the new Judge Joe Brown but, more to the point, how and why do people such as Ms. Burdick and her landlord get involved in such chickensh*it? It may be funny in a pathetic way but, hey, get a life!
Contributor's website: http://www.genelalor.com/
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