According to Janet Napolitano, You Are a “Right Wing Extremist” If You—

John Lillipop | April 13, 2009 

Satire by John W. Lillpop

A recently unclassified government report warns against the possibility of violence by “right-wing extremists.” According to unnamed sources close to Homeland Security Secretary Janet Napolitano, you are a right wing extremist
if you–

* Were born in the Deep South

* Believe that 9/11 was more serious than Watergate

* Wear an American flag in your lapel

* Knowingly listen to Rush Limbaugh

* Speak and write perfect English, but no Spanish

* Own more than two Bibles or one Confederate Flag

* Believe that Jesus Christ means eternal life

* Support the rule of law and maintenance of law and order

* Want America’s borders secured

* Believe that Mexico is a foreign nation and Spanish a foreign language

* Thank God that the U.S. won both world wars

* Oppose affirmative action, abortion, same-sex marriage, and gun control

* Believe that fighting higher taxes is more patriotic than paying them

* Prefer “Patriot’s Tea” to Obama Kool-aid

* Doubt that Islam is really a “Religion of Peace”

* Believe that a baby Jew born to a virgin 2009 years ago saved mankind from sin

* Send out Christmas cards

* Attend a Christian church on occasions other than Christmas and Easter.

* Sing the National Anthem with your hand over your heart

* Fly Old Glory on Flag Day and Independence Day

* Believe that preventing voter fraud is more important than empowering illegal aliens, felons, and the deceased with the vote

* Own a gun and ammunition.

* Favor the death penalty for brutal killers, but oppose abortion of innocent fetuses

* Miss WF Buckley, Ronald Reagan, and Richard Nixon

* Have read the Declaration of Independence, Bill of Rights, and U.S. Constitution more than once

* Believe that labor unions should be subjected to anti-trust laws.

* Have never committed adultery or had gay sex

* Drive a car built by an American car company in America

* Dispute the belief that the economic meltdown was worth it in order to open home ownership to more people of color

* Believe that the U.S. should spend more money on national defense than on foreign aid

* Suspect that Nancy Pelosi is dumber than a pound of recycled botox

* Mourn the 50 million fetuses that have been slaughtered since the Roe V. Wade ruling

* Pay a tithe or make a donation to any organized religion

* Are successful and prosperous and flagrantly show it

* Have never applied for food stamps or welfare

* Read the Wall Street Journal, George Will, Pat Buchanan, and Ann Coulter

* Watch FOX News

* Dislike Fidel Castro, Hugo Chavez and other communist dictators

* Know the words to “God Bless America” by heart

* Argue that global warming is little more than hot air circulated by liberals for “green” profit

* Want the UN out of America and America out of the UN

As it turns out, being a right wing extremist is exactly where most Americans should be, despite Janet Napolitano and the other pinko commies in Washington.

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35 Responses to “According to Janet Napolitano, You Are a “Right Wing Extremist” If You—”

  1. jimmy jones on April 14th, 2009 12:38 pm

    She ought to move to Cuba or Venezeula and serve the enemy in their country not inside ours.

  2. Amanda on April 15th, 2009 9:55 am

    You might be a right wing extremist if you believe all of this bull.

  3. Bob AZ on April 15th, 2009 10:59 am

    Let me tell you Amanda, I live in AZ and know Maricopa County Sheriff Joe Arpaio. While upholding our written immigration laws, “Gov Nappy” blocked funds from his office intentionally. Nappy also drove our economy into debt by $1.5 billion.. when prior Republican Gov Fife Symnington had our economy prosperous with a $1.1 billion dollar surplus. Until weak minded morons feel the pain of liberalism, they refuse to hear the truth. Listen Amanda, freaky liberal democrats hate God, and hate this great country our father built – why? I don’t want to know. But I can promise you this, you are being lead by satan – the bad pied-piper straight to hell. I can also promise you this: Conservatism always wins because it’s true, God loving, hard working, no gays, no liars, no druggies, no hippies, just good wholesome people who want to prosper.. liberals are parasites – never forget that.. Nappy hates good people.. she is a dyke, and she despises all that is good. THINK ABOUT THAT and KNOW IT’S TRUE

  4. debbie on April 20th, 2009 2:50 pm

    bob, when you speak about nappy being a dyke and then in the same breath speak about what God loves, you speak only for yourself. i know one thing, i sometimes feel or say super right wing things, but i am always checked in my spirit that it is me, and my thoughts not Gods. we need to make sure we are not acting as Jesus’ ambassadors when we give our political views.

  5. Ronald Miller on July 16th, 2009 4:17 pm

    God bless Sheriff Arpaio,

    This is the caliber of person we need in our Gvt.
    As a retired law enforcement officer, I can only say that Sheriff Arpaio is a role model for any law enforcement officer, and I might add, any Politicion as well.

  6. Mark A. Chamberlain on July 17th, 2009 11:06 am

    Seems that Joe Arpaio was doing a good job. Maybe Nappy’s afraid that her voting base: liberal, hispanic (anchor babies and illegals alike) will not vote for her in the future. With political blackmail a possiblity, she’s only trying to cater to her “constituents”, (read “non-Americans”)when she cuts off funds. She’s a traitor in my mind, and this will be remembered by many as long as we have free speech in this country.

  7. Bob on July 17th, 2009 1:12 pm

    FIRST: So grateful to see the whole list. No mention of Muslim terrorists ….
    Note to BOB. You talk about God. Jesus came for all of us. He is no respector of person. Your choice of words give Christian Americans a bad name. I am terrified with all the Anti-American, Anti-Christian, anti-free speech, anti-free religion, anti-sancity of live, anti-people policies that “we (notme) the people” voted for. Every promise to the American people has evolved into the opposite. People are seeing how the masses have followed an ideology that is not Christian. My only comfort is knowing that God is control and that we are to pray for our leaders. Our country has turned its back on God. May He have mercy on us and may we get off our backside and stand tall in Spirit and in truth to the glory of our Creator, Father God.

  8. J Phifer on July 18th, 2009 7:57 am

    I don’t know what is happening to our country. I cannot understand why the American people have elected so many liberals to political office. I saw Obama making a speech to the NAACP this week and is was really racial if a white president had given a speech like that they the media and press would have raised hell and say he should be impeached. I have served my country, i have worked from the time I was 16 (caddied before that) made and paid my own way all my life, now I am 75 retired and work some part time, (can’t work to much because of arthritis) and now Obama and our state liberal democrats want to add new tax on everything, like, soft drinks, theatre tickets, sports tickets, labor, guarantee periods on new purchases, golf, bowling, etc. just to keep on handing out welfare to the same lazy, sorry people who have never worked in their life, all they have ever done is rob, steal and murder and have babies, they have the babies so that they will get a raise in their welfare check. I believe helping people but not for a lifetime hell they want even help them selves or their own family. SO THE NEXT ELECTION WE NEED TO GET OFF OUR REAR EANDS AND GO TO THE POLLS AND GET THESE SORRY CAREER POLITICIANS OUT OF OFFICE AND GET SOME GOOD CONSERVATIVES ELECTED.

  9. larry on July 18th, 2009 10:05 am

    The reason Christians speak out against the gay lifestyle, adultry etc. is that God speaks out against it in His Word. We hate sin! Even when we do it!

  10. Byron on July 18th, 2009 12:19 pm

    All of these problems and worries we are facing in OUR America,is the fact that we allowed liberal leftist SLIME to fraudulently gain control of it. Conservatives must mobilize in massive numbers when election time comes around. The way to look at it is,let everyone have a heaping teaspoon full of liberalisim, and hopefully we can remove this cancer from our society, and flush these TURDS down the toilet, and back into the sewer where they came from.

  11. Stuart on July 18th, 2009 1:12 pm

    Amanda and all other brain-dead liberals read the following from GOP USA and think hard about you have brought upon our country: The Ten Commandments according to Obama:
    I. Thou shalt have no God in America, except for me. For we are no longer a Christian nation and, after all, I am the chosen One. (And like God, I do not have a birth certificate.) SOURCE

    II. Thou shalt not make unto thee any graven image, unless it is my face carved on Mt. Rushmore. SOURCE

    III. Thou shalt not utter my middle name in vain. Only I can say Barack Hussein Obama. SOURCE

    IV. Remember tax day, April 15th, to keep it holy. SOURCE

    V. Honour thy father and thy mother until they are too old and sick to care for. They will cost our public-funded health-care system too much money. SOURCE

    VI. Thou shalt not kill, unless you have an unwanted, unborn baby. For it would be an abomination to punish your daughter with a baby. SOURCE

    VII. Thou shalt not commit adultery if you are conservative or a Republican. Liberals and Democrats are hereby forgiven for all of their infidelity and immorality, but the careers of conservatives will be forever destroyed. SOURCE

    VIII. Thou shalt not steal, until you’ve been elected to public office. Only then is it acceptable to take money from hard-working, successful citizens and give it to those who do not work, illegal immigrants, or those who do not have the motivation to better their own lives. SOURCE

    IX. Thou shalt not discriminate against thy neighbor unless they are conservative, Caucasian, or Christian. SOURCE

    X. Thou shalt not covet because it is simply unnecessary. I will place such a heavy tax burden on those that have achieved the American Dream that, by the end of my term as President, nobody will have any wealth or material goods left for you to covet. SOURCE

  12. Rick Hayes on July 18th, 2009 6:06 pm

    If you think things are getting bad now, just wait until Your Most Holy Presdient Obama gets his way with the health care system. You may not be able to find a good doctor in this country who will treat you for what the president wants to give them.

  13. Nancy on July 18th, 2009 9:23 pm

    Way to go J Phiefer….. I agree with you all the way! This 72 year old lady has also worked all my life and find it very hard to exist in today enonomy! Beleive me I didn’t vote for Obama even though I had been a Democrat most of my life. Never again if this is what they have to offer. I hope everyone else get a gullet full of this kind of politics! I sure have!

  14. realpatriot on July 18th, 2009 9:50 pm

    Crappy Nappie leaving Arizona is the best thing thats happened here in a long time, but not so good for this great country of ours.She has no clue about her job as head of Homeland Security, and she never had a clue when she was governor.

    Joe Arpaio would be the best choice for Nappies job when she gets fired, but we need him here in Maricopa County. Imagine how tough he would be!

    Amanda- anyone who doesn’t believe all this is just an idiot and deserves all the bad that IS coming our way from your messiah Obama.

    There is an anti- Joe Arpaio website that only exists to promote him being removed from office. I have been banned from there because they cannot stand anyone posting in favor of Arpaio, even thought its the truth. I can get around the ban though and still go in and post. We need more pro-Joe people to go there and post and piss off the moderators.

  15. Melvin Slade on July 19th, 2009 4:36 pm

    Am I wrong to see that Obama has set race relations back at least 20 years? Am I wrong to see that the majority of his supporters are either black, minority, or on the public dole? I work among many people and have run across no one that claims to support him. Oops, I just answered my own questions…..I work.

  16. Jack Stanson on July 20th, 2009 7:58 am

    Let’s face it; if anyone in two thousand years meets the criteria for AntiChrist, it’s Obama. Everyone loves him despite his attempts to destroy Christian civilization. May God help us when the second 42 months begins.
    Why hide a birth certificate if it genuine and supports what he states.
    Why pretend to be black when he is just a Mulatto – frankly I couldn’t care if he was green, so long as he were genuine.
    Pro-abortionists always want to ban execution and save the whale. They tend to want to kill sick people too -so called euthanasia or “mercy killing”.
    Thank the Lord I do not live in the USA, although I fear my daughter will soon. Not that any of are safe from the effects of this egomaniac spawn of evil.

  17. melissa on July 20th, 2009 3:10 pm

    Reading all of this below is sickening. None of you should be mentioning GOD at all in your rants. No matter what people do and what are opinions are, GOD loves ALL his children. This country was founded on CHRISTIAN beliefs-One Nation Under GOD! I don’t care what your preferences are or how uncomfortable it makes you that I say Merry Christmas, this is what being in the united states is all about. This country had good christian morals BEFORE everyone started immigrating here. And when people of other religions came, we didn’t try to undermine thier faith, we let them worship. If you don’t like the moral backbone of this country’s foundation get out!

  18. Libertarian Prince (Moderator) on July 20th, 2009 7:17 pm

    melissa on July 20th, 2009 3:10 pm

    “Reading all of this below is sickening.”

    Melissa, your comment makes little sense concerning the actual content of many of the above posts. If you have something to say to a specific commenter then address that person specifically otherwise you just look like you are ranting at the air.

  19. HermanBerman on July 21st, 2009 10:55 pm

    So what if Janet is a dyke? She is a nutcase, too. Typical of a Hussein appointement.

  20. Joey on July 22nd, 2009 3:57 pm

    I am a Christian, and I am generally more liberal than conservative. This is addressed to conservative Christians, particularly those who posted above.

    1. (To anyone who mentioned homosexuality) Homosexuality is not a sin. It’s not a sin to love another person. Homosexual ACTS are a sin, as are any other sexual acts with any intention other than reproduction. Why do you single out homosexuality? Don’t tell me it’s about lifestyle, because I know many homosexuals, and all of them are good people. And though some of them are not Christian, it’s only because they felt pushed away by others in their faith community. It’s not our job to push out sinners (for who isn’t a sinner?), but to welcome them as Jesus did. (To anyone who might make assumptions about my sexuality, I am a man married to a woman whom I love.)

    2. (To anyone else who mentioned God) This nation was not founded on Christian beliefs (morals maybe, but not beliefs). It was founded on liberty, including the freedom of religion (not the freedom of Christianity). I am Christian. I love God. I try to expose people around me to my beliefs. But some people believe other things, and I believe that is there right. I believe God gave them that right.

    I agree that God should be the most important thing in our lives, and this means that we should want others to know and believe in God. But laws cannot enforce religion. That leads to revolution and war, and as fun as that might sound to some, I don’t think God wants us to fight with nonbelievers. I think God wants us to talk to them, and if they’re willing to listen, to teach them. So I hope that all of you who believe in God and think that the USA has turned its back on Him would do something constructive about it. Something other than blogging and commenting to like-minded people on conservative or Christian websites, or condemning those with different beliefs. I hope you will do your Christian duty and talk to them.

  21. LibertarianPrince (Moderator) on July 22nd, 2009 5:31 pm


    “Homosexuality is not a sin. It’s not a sin to love another person. Homosexual ACTS are a sin”

    To be homosexual one must perform homosexual acts. It is sort of part of the definition. Your first point is not point.

    “This nation was not founded on Christian beliefs (morals maybe, but not beliefs). It was founded on liberty, including the freedom of religion (not the freedom of Christianity).”

    Morals are beliefs Joey thus this attempted point by you is just gobbeldegook. You are a terrible debater and your second point is moot as well.

    Lastly, you may be liberal and claim to be a Christian yet we have explored in depth on this site several times how if you subscribe to what is standard liberal dogma these days you are not really a Christian as you are required by the tennants of liberalism to break willingly several of the Commandments of God from the start.

    Calling yourself Christian is one thing. Being a Christian is another thing entirely.

  22. Joey on July 22nd, 2009 5:42 pm

    “Homosexuality” is by definition “being sexually attracted to a person of the same sex,” not necessarily performing sexual acts. That’s why there can be homosexual Catholic priests.

    Morals may be beliefs, but they need not not be religious beliefs.

    I said I am GENERALLY more liberal than conservative. Don’t think that this means I subscribe to all of liberal dogma. e.g. I don’t support abortion.

    YOU are a terrible debater. I can’t believe that you are a moderator, and I fear for the people who read this blog regularly.

  23. LibertarianPrince (Moderator) on July 22nd, 2009 6:08 pm

    Joey, you are not a smart as you think you are. This is a common problem with liberals.

    Your definition of homosexuality is inadequate. Let’s look at the FULL definition ok?

    “1 : of, relating to, or characterized by a tendency to direct sexual desire toward another of the same sex 2 : of, relating to, or involving sexual intercourse between persons of the same sex” (source)

    So yes, being homosexual means one is performing homosexual acts. Sorry Charlie, you loose that one.

    You went on to say, “Morals may be beliefs, but they need not not be religious beliefs.” This is not what you originally said. You said, “This nation was not founded on Christian beliefs (morals maybe, but not beliefs)”

    In this statement you specifically say that it was founding on religious morals which are religious beliefs. Now you claim it was not.

    You then went on to a typical straw man agruement to try and insulate yourself. “I said I am GENERALLY more liberal than conservative. Don’t think that this means I subscribe to all of liberal dogma. e.g. I don’t support abortion.”

    I never mentioned abortion. You assumed that I meant abortion. There is more to liberalism that contradicts Christian teachings than that. For example the desire of liberals to covet that of others and take it by force for their own desires clearly flys in the face of two commandments right there.

    In the end it is you that show yourself to be the worst debater of all. You cannot even stick to facts and you are very confused. You fear for the people reading this blog because they are generally more intelligent that you.

  24. Oohrahman on July 22nd, 2009 6:19 pm

    LP 2, Joey 0

  25. Paul on July 22nd, 2009 7:50 pm

    I first want to say that I think both conservatives and liberals have their good and bad points. I do agree with the statement from J Phifer, we do need to get rid of all career politicians regardless of party affiliation. I don’t consider myself one or the other. I have a “list” of key points that I look for a canidate to fill, then vote for the one that meets the most. Is that the right/best way, maybe, maybe not. Are we going in the right direction right now, I really don’t know. I think that it wouldn’t matter if the president was conservative or liberal, it would take more than 8 months to make any real progress on the state of our country.

    Now, as for the religious stuff that has been said. I like to consider myself christian but open minded. I do believe in God and hold him as the final judge of all that I do. So tell me this people. You say that being gay is wrong, abortion is wrong, stem cell research is wrong, and simular items are wrong according to God. If this is true, then why would God almighty, the great creator of all, make it possible for all this to be? Wouldn’t he prevent people from having gay tendencies? Wouldn’t he prevented us from developing the technology to perform an abortion, from performing stem cell research? I feel that he is ok with it since he has allowed all of this to be possible. Now I know you are going to quote the bible to rebut. But isn’t the bible a translation from ancient hebrew? How do we know that it was perfectly translated word for word and not taken out of context at some points? Just curious.

  26. LibertarianPrince (Moderator) on July 22nd, 2009 8:10 pm

    Paul, let us address your issues:

    “first want to say that I think both conservatives and liberals have their good and bad points.”

    Being diametrically opposed ideologically this is hard to believe. You really cannot be anywhere in between and be in any way honest. People say these sorts of things because they do not usually want to be labeled as liberal when they act liberal. You either beleive in liberty or you believe in state oppression of liberty. There is no middle ground. You could of course be an anarchist which is just as bad as being a liberal because you do not respect inalienable rights in that case either.

    “Now, as for the religious stuff that has been said. I like to consider myself christian but open minded. I do believe in God and hold him as the final judge of all that I do. So tell me this people. You say that being gay is wrong, abortion is wrong, stem cell research is wrong, and simular items are wrong according to God. If this is true, then why would God almighty, the great creator of all, make it possible for all this to be?”

    This is simple to answer and I suspect you are asking it because you simply do not want to face the answer staring you in the face. Question, is murder wrong according to God? The Ten Commandments tell us it is. So why then is murder possible and does God allow it? The answer is free will.

    Right there you have your entire question answered. Abortion is murder. There is no doubt about it as that “lump of cells” as a the left often refers to it as has every biological qualification of human life. Therefore ending it is an abomination before God. There is one notable ecception to this of course and that is self defense if the life of the mother is in danger.

    As for stem cell research, who said that was wrong? Perhaps someone above did. But that would be foolish because stem cells is too broad of a term to lump all together. There are adult stem cells that do not require anyone’s life to be taken without due process of law. Now, if you are talking about stem cells that require the taking of the life of an unborn child then yes, that is wrong regardless of any rationalization you might try to make about the potential to save lives just like it was wrong for Hitler who used Jews as medical guinie pigs and justified it as claiming it would save German lives.

    Instead of being argumentative and putting forth such easily disputed falacies, your need to stop and think about what you say and why such things are untrue.

  27. TriggerMama on July 22nd, 2009 8:15 pm

    There are always new people that try to take down LP but LP continues to show that he is smarter than almost anyone here except for J.J. Jackson.

    The contest is not even close thus far and LP is winning by miles in the debate. That is also why he is a moderator. Because he is able to address facts so freely.

  28. PinguMama (Sr. Moderator) on July 22nd, 2009 8:17 pm

    Yes, LP is definately smart and winning the debate. But the discussion is veering dangerously off topic. Please keep future comments on topic of the actual post by John or they will be flagged and moderated.

    If you cannot then don’t make comments.

  29. PinguMama (Sr. Moderator) on July 22nd, 2009 8:25 pm

    Please make sure to read “The Rules

    “6. Comments made should be on topic of the post they are being made in. If a post is about taxes, for example, comments should be about taxes. If a post is about unconstitutional spending then the comments should be about unconstitutional spending.”

    This is not a thread for religious discussion or for discussion of liberal versus conservative.

    The two of you that just tried to post your anti-religion rants have had your accounts flagged. I am not messing around.

  30. Patrick McIlvain on August 27th, 2009 2:34 am


  31. Myke on September 6th, 2009 2:25 am

    I don’t understand this, All the people putting down anybody saying God hates homosexuals must not read the Bible. Why were Sodom (where the word sodomy comes from) and Gamorah destroyed? Wasn’t it because of blatant homosexuality? Seems to me God hates homosexuality enough to destroy 2 cities full of sexual perverts. And don’t worry, I have broad shoulders, go ahead and bash me all you want. I’ll stand by the Bible, God and Jesus any day.

  32. TheSean on April 24th, 2010 3:10 pm

    God did not hate the people of Sodom, he was punishing them. Yah is a God of Love AND of Justice. Because God loves us, he allows us to make our own decisions. If we make the wrong ones, he blatantly tells us we will be punished, either in this life or the next. He just so happened to punish Sodom in both. He did the same thing with almost all of the inhabitants of the earth during Noah’s time.

  33. Grood Richards on April 25th, 2010 8:15 am

    I do so love people like TheSean who are ignorant of words and then pretend that the words mean something they do not. It is not a bad thing to hate wicked things. And God certain does hate wicked things otherwise he would not punish people for partaking in them.

    To hate something means to have an extreme dislike of it. That is all. If God did not have an extreme dislike of things (hate for them) then he would not have had to give commandments to tell people what he saw as wicked.

    Yes God is love and justice but to dole out justice you must have a hate or intolerance for the objects and actions being punished. But too many Christians want a kinder, gentler religion than Christianity really is where they think that no matter what they do they will enter unto Heaven. One can say that they accept Christ and God but one must still mean it or they will not.

  34. Mere on July 25th, 2010 4:08 pm

    According to me, Napolitano is a nobody and has no business being in the job she was given. She has no idea about the job and she has proven it. She says the AZ/Mexico border is Secure; can you believe her stupid statement?

  35. Jyrine on August 19th, 2011 6:02 pm

    It may be a joke to us, but Janet Napolitano believes every word.

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