RSSFarting Now Illegal In Camden-Rockport Middle School
J.J. Jackson* | February 9, 2008
Farting is natural. But nature to the liberal mind can even be banned. Just look at screw ball administrators at this school for an example:
CAMDEN (Feb 1): The Merriam Webster Dictionary definition for flatulence is brief: “flatus expelled through the anus.” And while it’s a natural bodily function, it seems some Camden-Rockport Middle School eighth-grade boys are taking it to new heights and making a game of seeing who can expel the loudest and grossest flatus.According to this week’s Fire Cracker school newsletter though, the joke’s on the boys as the penalty for “intentional farting” is now a detention.
“Strange, but true, thanks to a bunch of 8th grade boys, intentional farting has been banned from CRMS,” the newsletter said. “It started out as a funny joke and eventually turned into a game. This is the first rule at CRMS that prevents the use of natural bodily functions. The penalty for intentional farting is a detention, so keep it to yourself!”
Oh dear Lord in Heaven! The boys farted! Get these dumb ass liberals a fainting couch or something!
Since we’re banning normal bodily functions let’s add a few more to this list (all equally silly):
- Urinating shall now be banned. Just on the off chance that boys are seeing who can pee the longest. NO MORE PISSING! Hold it until you get home.
- Crapping shall now be banned. Just on the off chance that boys may be trying to compete to see how can leave the biggest turd in the toilet. NO MORE CRAPPING! Hold it until you get home.
- Picking you nose shall now be banned. You know, we can’t have boys storing their snot under their desks to see who can get the biggest wad of snot over the course of a semester.
Who ever came up with this silly rule should be flogged. Teach the damn students something useful! Like how to read and write and stop worrying about their flatulence.
Boys have farting contests. Always have and always will. Get over it!
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2 Responses to “Farting Now Illegal In Camden-Rockport Middle School”
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Some lib’ral friends of mine are fain to ensconce in public law
Rules about colonic eructations e’en when delivered sans a flaw
They believe the divine afflatus that seeps out one’s a-hay
Could best be regulated by OSHA, or perhaps the EPA.
They cite an inconvenient fact: global warming’s here to stay,
Hence anal vaporous emanations must needs be brought to bay.
These issuances assuredly produce the Dreaded Greenhouse Effect
E’en though they delight all in earshot save the most circumspect.
Stiff fines must thus be levied and ev’n hefty prison time
Should be meted out to all and sundry; farting would be a crime.
To this claptrap I answer with thund’ring cheeks akimbo,
Ere this drek comes to pass, I’ll see your ass in limbo,
Flatulence is a natural right established by Platonic mani-fukking-festo,
Those who differ from this stance should meet a flatulist virtuoso.
seriously, lets get real.
who bands farting?
shouldnt they spend more time teaching not coming up with stupid rules to band something that happens naturally and everyone does.